2-22-11 7:03 pm Intentions

A few very lucky people in the world posess the power to say only encouraging things. For the others of us, we're caught up in our own worlds, and inadvertently say things that others take the wrong way: personally. I know or have known a few of those lucky people who bring only positive energy to the world.

My long deceased mother-in-law, a person of impecable manners, somehow managed to help those around her feel at ease. For example: Upon seeing me for the first time after her son and I reconciled following a three-year separation, she greated me with "Well, hello there. You're looking thinner these days." I'd gained a solid ten pounds. The truth at the time mattered less to me than the spirit behind her words. Maybe she meant I looked "healthier", maybe she really thought I looked thinner. Or maybe she intentionally said something she thought would put me at ease. Whatever her plan, despite my having broken things off with her son, being estranged for three years, and then descending on her hospitality, she rose to the occasion, managed to make me feel good, and in the process elevated all our intentions and spirits.

A dear teacher friend of mine is another of these very fortunate kind souls. While I do think we have a special connection, she's nice to everyone! She just disarms those around her. How does she do it?

I can act kindly, smile, say things positively, but it takes more than that. I'm an interrupter. And I develop an edge in my voice when I feel frustrated, or I talk too fast, or worst-case scenario, say things I don't mean. What I want is to be one of those gentle souls that only help make others feel good, comfortable, and at ease. I want to possess better control over my responses.

The other side of that coin is wanting everyone else to be as nice to me as those few very special souls I've known before. In actuality, people sometimes do and say things that, whether or not intended, hurt my feelings or cause me to doubt myself. What I want is to feel entirely loved, safe, and to keep others' words and actions in perspective.

"The Golden Rule". It's a tall order. Anything's possible though, and this one seems under my control. Treat others as you'd like to be treated.

So here's my self-proscribed behavior plan for the week:

1. Assue positive intent.
2. Let others' finish before speaking.
3. Paraphrase before adding in my own thinking/question
4. Be clear.
5. Breathe.
6. Use the restroom before it becomes an emergency.
7. Remember and act on "The Golden Rule".

Here's hoping!