2-20-11 4:55 pm Choices

I'm outta the woods today...hopefully. Yes with the smiling, yes with the positive framing language, and yes with the "ands" over the "buts". Yet today some additional, spontaneous element felt present. I just felt happy, without even trying.

Sitting at lunch today, Anne and I found something to giggle about as we played tic-tac-toe, Harold looked relaxed, and the food and wine mixed beautifully. In that moment I observed myself: relaxed, mind in the present, agenda-free. And in the next nanno-second, it came to me: I can choose to feel this way, any time I want! The power to determine my feelings, my responses, rests entirely with one entity. Myself.

Usually on my list of things to worry about during a meal: How does Anne look, sound, and feel? Is she happy? Carefree? What needs might Harold have right now? What unfinished work needs follow-up at school (huge mental list here) and at home? What foods do I feel comfortable eating freely, and which to watch during this meal? What social obligations need my attention? Friends? Is our waiter helpful? If not, what information might he or she need to become more helpful? Etc.

Who knows what paused all those worries for me earlier today? The more exciting bit, realizing I know how to locate it when joy eludes me. It's right there, in the moment. That brings me back to an earlier learning: negativity is self-perpetuating, while positivity requires intentional nurturing. The payoff for that intentional nurturing? Long-lasting PNA's (positive neural associations, whose effects endure for days).

The up-shot: intentionally deciding to think about less, live in the present, and find joy in the little things boosts my ability to find and enjoy positive experiences. I genuinely feel happier today. And if tomorrow feels overwhelming, happy-strategies to the rescue!

1. It's OK to say: "I need to give that some thought" instead of responding immediately with commitment one way or the other.
2. Acknowledge over what things I own control, and what ownership rests with others.
3. Keep it simple; use less effort for accomplishing tasks.
4. Smile, think happy thoughts, assume positive intent of others, and wait ... joy emerges.
5. Simply decide to think about less: make lists, prioritize, and then, let it go.
6. Notice the little things, and share them.
7. Make sure my basic needs get met (like sleep, eating, and finding time for the restroom).

Maybe happiness lives at the ready, we just forget how to clean the other nuisances from blocking our view.