Again, this week, I plan to smile. Smile, smile, and when that gets routine, smile even more. Yesterday at a restaurant for brunch, I smiled at folks on my way to the restroom, on my way to and from our table, on our way in, and on our way out. And I only remember folks smiling back at me. Some of those smiles were demure, some a happy, surprised kind of smile, some weary, some even a little sad. They all lifted me or imparted a feeling of empathy. And so, the smiling continues...
And now for the "And's": It's simple enough to replace negative words with positives, the "No's" with the "What-about's", the emphasizing of good, and minimizing bad, and still...I think there's more. Negativity, as I learned at a class a few weeks ago, reproduces of it's own energies. Positivity, on the other hand, while requiring intentionality, has long-lasting effects on our emotions and thinking patterns in the brain. So what's the "more" about?
It simply feels to me that there's more I can do to become a more positive force in my own life, and in the lives of others. So I've been on the lookout for what else there might be, and may have found it. It's the word "But".
Think about when we use it: "But what about...?, "But I thought...", "But when will...?", etc. In fact, I can only come up with exceptionally negative contexts in which to use the word "but". It could be that it's purpose is to bespeak of a negative exception. And so, this week I'll replace "But" statements with their "And" counterparts. I predict this experiment will lead to more inclusive, positive speech patterns with even more positive outcomes. More on that as the week progresses.
And now about the "anti-crap" factor. "Visualize your dreams and they become reality." Heard that one before? Me too. Sometimes it feels more attainable than at others. As doubtful as it may feel tempting to view, I do recall a first-hand experience which bore this truism out for me...nearly 20 years ago. And the situation felt pretty dubious at the time.
Freshman year of college, big university (the U of MN, Twin Cities campus) new dorm, new meal plan, new class schedule, and a new language. I'd earned B's in high school French. That being sub-par to my standards, I needed a fresh start. Japanese! Toyota, Honda, and Nissan sales dominated U.S. markets at this time in the early '90's, and I was considering business as a major. It seemed a prudent move, this taking Japanese to meet my liberal arts degree language requirement.
After our first meeting I sobbed, openly, tearfully, snifflingly sobbed the entire way back to my dorm room. Learning Japanese in this program involved "submersion", which is learning language in an environment where that tongue is spoken exclusively. The "submersion" aspect of this class was first introduced to me, upon entering the room. Had I been prepared, maybe the shock-factor would have been less, and I'd have crossed campus with a bit more composure. And granted, tearing up comes easily and regularly to me, even more so with age, it seems. This rude awakening was simply more than my frail, freshman self was ready to handle.
I'd heard of the self-fulfilling prophecy before that time, and after the sobbing binge, pacing my dorm-room floor, it seemed the best, in fact, the only, option. Being an all-be-it mature adolescent, upping the ante came naturally. I decided I would do better than simply pass this class, simply meet my two-year language requirement earning a "C". I wanted to test the theory too. Maybe prove it wrong but proving it right would only be in my favor. A win-win. It felt brazen, almost rebellious, and that made my decision all-the-more exciting. I would earn an "A". For each assignment, each quiz, each test, each term exam, in fact for the entire class, I would earn an "A". And...low-and-behold, I did. Somehow that decision informed my study habits; that visualization of my transcript made it happen for me. With flashcards, study groups, and practice, practice, practice, I earned an "A" each and every step of that learning journey.
Honestly, visualizing the fruition of my hopes and dreams has worked many time over since those early deays. But what does this have to do with "positivity"? Well, I want peace. Joy, benevolence, good will, and education for all. I want all of that for my family, our community, our country, our world. Melt all the fire arms. Meet all social basic needs through social programs that provide security. Provide education, fund research, love one another. By mixing purely positive attitudes into the bowl of our socio-economic-environmental global citizenry, I feel I'm adding the right ingredient.
And this morning, reading yesterday's paper, reminds me I can do more. Thank you Cynthia Stafford, "The $112 Million Woman". She recalled to me again, that through visualization I can make my wildest dreams come true. Hers did. She won the lottery. She has fun and beautiful cars, and a production company. It was all thanks to beginning with visualization and "positive energy" toward her personal dreams.
So. I'm gonna get specific. Here's what I visualize:
A fortune earned through patents for inventions that help others and honor our ecosystem, sales from publishing our writing, coaching and teaching, and programs that support development of life-skills and independence for youth.
That fortune will grow, through re-investment in helpful endeavors, to support five annual $1,000 scholarships for high school graduates to earn certificates for specialized skills such as auto mechanics, design, computer programming, culinary arts, medical procedures, and electrician and plumbing programs. Five additional annual $1,000 scholarships for high school graduates with a passion to apply to their degree programs of choice in the arts, music, sciences, and liberal arts will also be funded through our investments, patents, sales, and good fortune. These scholarships will be bestowed upon high school graduates with a 4.0 G.P.A., and an essay sharing their passion, and how they will contribute to the well-being of others using it. Winners also will be determined in part, by excellent writing. Preference will be granted to students with limited financial resources.
Our fortune will also support our daughter's full college tuition, room, and board. Reinvestments will support her children's childnren's children. It will fund our retirement security. It will fund an annual vacation to parts of the world new and/or dear to us. It will fund an expansion of our current home, a procuring of another in a place we'd like to weekend, and the building a cottage guest house for parents and other guests.
It will fund a lifestyle supporting the health of our environment, our physical and financial health, and possibilities for new ventures, supporting creative problem-solving ideas, all while continuing to fund the scholarships. As for our daily routine?
Our earnings and investments will mean my husband Harold will be able to afford maintaining his current situation, a return to school, embarking on a new endeavor, whatever suits his desires. Our daughter, of course, will be funded through college, and strike out on her own knowing we'll be there to support her if needed. I will live my dream: Room every day for writing, teaching, cooking, coaching, collaborating, and inventing will fill my days. Exercise will be enjoyable and routine. Our legacy will be that of a kind, considerate, compassionate, visionary, givers.
For hobbies I will sing "The Star Spangled Banner" prior to sporting events. A friend and I will also have a story-telling non-profit so that we can enjoy one of our favorite past times, and enrich the literary experiences of young children. Those will be activities in which I can engage, for all my days.
We will have hybrid cars, eco-friendly appliances, and produce minimal trash. We will afford landscaping, and enjoy gardening. We will help our neighbors. That's my dream. I will visualize it daily, while smiling, and replacing "but" with "and". Stay tuned....
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