3-23-11 7:00 pm White Lies Must Die

I told one last night, and knew it the whole time. My lovely book groupies asked about the layout of our nearly 100 year-old house where I hosted the evening. They heard gleeful descriptions of walk-through closets, a large basement, and my daughter's huge bedroom closet. I boasted that it was half the size of my living room. Anne openly corrected me when she entered the conversation later that fateful night.

Everything else I'd said was true. The building was erected in 1919. You can actually get from the dining room to our bedroom via a closet. The basement was dug out some decades ago, and is nearly full-sized. Why did I lie about the size of Anne's closet? What purpose did it serve? Instead of making me feel some form of good, my heart started a relentless and rapid pounding.

It's all about doubt. In the brief moment between thought and words, I worried my lovely guests might not get just how large Anne's closet really is. Actually, it's about a quarter the size of our living room, which is still unusually large. Anyway, I think my white lie was a preemptive attempt to positively impact their perception, which I pre-supposed to be inaccurate. I thought they wouldn't believe me, based on their own experience or misperception that all old houses have tiny closets.

Had I chosen bravery, faith, or good will, I'd have said something like: "...And this is really unusual: Anne's closet measures something like 4' x 8'. Isn't that large for an old house? We're thinking of converting it to a half-bath." Instead I exaggerated. My friends are LDS, so I'm sure they picked up on my lie before I even uttered it.

The larger lesson for me: practice faith. Faith in myself for being able to find the right words to convey complete and utter truth, and faith in others for being capable of really hearing it. If I'm going to live 100% positively, the white lies must die. Part of being positive means building trust, and lies, regardless of their size, erode trust. Plus, they're unnecessary.

Telling the truth requires thought and articulation. I think I believe that speaking 100% truthfully provides an opportunity to become smarter. Ponder these tools for honesty:

• think before speaking
• use the right words
• listen
• say what's meant
• mean what's said

If I do those things, they have to make me smarter, because they will require me to think before I spout off. Maybe I tell white lies out of haste more than lack of trust. Maybe it's a healthy dose of both. In the end, maybe the "why" of it matters little.

This new goal requires planning. I wonder, if my conversation pace slows in order to think about and plan for what I say to be truthful, whether folks will be patient enough to listen. Maybe if I speak only the truth, they'll be eager enough to hear my words that they'll wait for them. Maybe it'll start a trend. How might life change if we all killed white lies with the patience and correct wording that honest communication requires?